


Oblivious

by ordinaryorbit



Series: Feelings [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Obliviousness, Pining, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 02:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15809700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ordinaryorbit/pseuds/ordinaryorbit
Summary: Sonny comes to an important realization about his feelings during a late night working on a case.





	Oblivious

Sonny was pissed off.  And justifiably so. He was driving through Manhattan past midnight because ADA Barba couldn't be bothered to answer his damn phone.

It was ironic, really.  Whenever Barba needed something from the squad, he expected them to come running.  But now that they urgently needed Barba's assistance, their calls and texts went unanswered.  And so Sonny had been dispatched to fetch the ADA.

He was still smarting a bit from his  interaction with Barba earlier in the day. The counselor had come down to the precinct to strategize with the squad about a case.  

Sonny had suggested a piece of caselaw that worked in their favor.  He had read about it in one of his law school textbooks. He so wanted to be able to marshal precedent in the skillful manner that Barba did.  

But Barba had dismissed Sonny's suggestion summarily.  "That case was overruled last week, Fordham. Try to keep up."

Sonny had been left feeling inadequate, but also a bit resentful at Barba for not even acknowledging his effort.  So that was another reason why Sonny was less than thrilled to be on this late-night mission.

The only good thing about being sent to retrieve Barba was that Sonny would get to see where he lived.  The place was probably elegant and refined.

The reality, when Sonny pulled up, was a bit of a letdown.  The location was prime, but the building itself was nondescript and worn.

Well, Sonny reasoned, for all his glamour Barba was still a civil servant - he wasn't making the big bucks. He'd probably decided to channel as much of his salary as possible into those fine suits of his.

Sonny had worn his own new suit today.  The one with the waistcoat, like Barba wore.  Sonny couldn't afford to get his suits custom-tailored like Barba.  Even if he could, he still wouldn't fill them out in quite the same way as Barba's solid form.  But none of that stopped him taking pointers where he could from Barba's elevated fashion sense.

It felt like Sonny had been spending a lot of energy lately trying to be like Barba.  But who wouldn't want to be like him? Barba was smart, sassy, and stylish. Even if, at the moment, the man was also infuriating.

Reaching the front door, Sonny peered into the lobby.  There was no doorman to let him in, so he turned to the bank of buzzers on the wall.  They were in no discernible order. Sighing, he started searching for Barba's name.

Thankfully a delivery boy holding a large pizza box exited the building, offering Sonny an easier way in.

"Hey man did you order a pizza?"  the young man asked hopefully as they passed.

"No I didn't."

"Oh."  He looked deflated.  "The apartment number given on the order doesn't exist.  So I knocked on every door, but I couldn't find the person who ordered it.  I just got yelled at for waking people up."

"Well it _is_ 12:30 in the morning."

"My boss is gonna yell at me some more if I come back with this pizza."

"Hey what kind of pizza is it?"  Sonny couldn't remember how many hours had passed since he had last eaten.  Maybe he could solve both of their problems.

"Anchovy and pineapple."

Sonny wrinkled his nose.  "Did you consider that the order might have been a prank call?"

The kid shook his head, eyes wide in disbelief.  He looked like Sonny had just kicked his puppy.

"Good luck, man," Sonny said as he continued on, shaking his head.  Some people were just too oblivious for their own good.

The first knock on Barba's door produced no results.  So Sonny pounded again, harder this time. If Barba didn't open up, Sonny was going to be really pissed.

Finally he heard some muttered swearing coming from the other side of the door.  It edged open and Barba's head, hair disheveled, poked out.

"I already told you that I didn't order any pizza-"

Barba stopped abruptly once he registered that it was Sonny at his door.  "Carisi. I thought you were the delivery boy again. What are you doing knocking at my door past midnight? And how did you even get in the building?"

"You know, next time you might want to check who's there before opening your door, Counselor."

Barba fixed him with a glare, even as his eyes squinted against the harsh lighting of the hallway.  "Why thank you for the safety talk, Detective. I'll also make sure not to take candy from strangers."

Sonny elected to ignore the snark.  "It was the delivery guy who let me in, actually.  Poor kid, he was still searching for whoever ordered an anchovy and pineapple pizza.  If it weren't such a godawful flavor combo I would've offered to buy it off him."

Barba grimaced at the thought of the unfortunate pizza. "Carisi, I'm sure you didn't come here to talk to me about pizza toppings.  Again, what are you doing at my apartment in the middle of the night?"

"Liv sent me."  Maybe that was the coward's way out, placing the blame elsewhere.  But Sonny was tired and hungry, and his brain was now conjuring the taste of a slice of eggplant and ricotta, his favorite.  "We need a warrant for the Adams case."

"And you couldn't have called instead?"

"We _tried_ calling, Counselor.  About a dozen times, but you didn't pick up."

"Oh."  Barba's scowl turned apologetic, almost sheepish.  "I'm sorry Carisi, I didn't hear the phone. I must have been otherwise occupied.  Now this had better be something urgent if you're asking me to wake up a judge."

"It is.  We have Thompson in custody, but we found out that his wife's returning from her business trip in the morning.  We're afraid she's gonna dump any evidence that's inside the house."

"Hmm."  Barba's brow crinkled in thought.  "Ok, I'll make a few calls, see what I can get you."

Sonny was so surprised at Barba's easy assent that he missed the door closing in his face until it was too late.  

"Hold on Barba," he called out.  "Liv also asked me to bring you back to the station.  She wants you to observe the interrogation."

Barba cracked the door open again, sighing heavily.  "Fine. Give me five minutes, Carisi."

This time Sonny managed to stick his foot in the door before it closed.  His annoyance at Barba was ticking up again. "You're seriously gonna make me wait in the hallway, Counselor?"  

"Unless you'd rather wait outside, Detective."

Just then, a noise came from within the apartment.  A large hand gripped the door above Barba's head and swung it wide open.  The hand belonged to a tall, pajama-clad man whose other hand came to rest on the waist of Barba, now fully revealed.

"We already told you we didn't order any pizza," the man said mildly.  "Wait, you're not the delivery guy," he continued suspiciously, tugging Barba a bit closer in a protective gesture.

Sonny blinked in surprise.  "No I'm not the delivery guy," he responded, completely unnecessarily.  

Even though he hadn't expected Barba to sleep in his three-piece suits, Sonny was still taken aback by the sight of the normally buttoned-up lawyer.  Barba stood before him in only an undershirt and hip-hugging briefs. A line of fresh hickeys circled the base of his neck while a pair of soft leather cuffs did the same to his ankles.  Both presumably put there by this unknown man who, it seemed, was sharing Barba's bed.

Barba cleared his throat slightly.  Realizing that he had been staring, Sonny tore his gaze away from the cuffs.  The ADA raised his chin a little, as if daring Sonny to say something about them.  

"Brett, this is my colleague Detective Carisi from SVU."  At the word 'colleague,' the man immediately dropped his hand from Barba's waist.

Recovering his composure, Sonny stuck out his hand.  "Nice to meet you. Dominick Carisi Jr., but please call me Sonny."

"Nice to meet you Sonny," Brett answered while shaking his hand.  "Duty calls?" he asked Barba.

The ADA nodded up at him.  "I'm afraid so. It appears that my presence is required at work.  I just have to put some clothes on."

Barba turned back to Sonny.  "You might as well come in at this point, Carisi," he said with an air of resignation before waving him into the apartment.  He seemed to have concluded that any hope for modesty had now passed. Barba then disappeared off into the bedroom to change.

Sonny was left behind with Barba's . . . . Lover?  Boyfriend? Partner? Wracking his brain for any past mentions of Barba's personal life, he drew a blank, save for some whispered rumors of a history with Yelina Muñoz.

"Would you like something to drink, Detective?"  Brett asked. He came across as blandly polite, in a way that reminded Sonny of some of his law school classmates.  "There's not much in the way of choice, I'm afraid. But Rafael usually has orange juice in the fridge."

"I'll take some juice, thank you," Sonny responded, while analyzing this piece of information.  If Brett knew the contents of Barba's refrigerator, then this was definitely not a one-night stand, and was likely more than just a booty call arrangement.  

While Brett went to get the juice from the kitchen, Sonny took the opportunity to look around.  The place was well-furnished but a bit messy, with work files strewn across the dining table. Brett's return cut off any further snooping.

"Sorry but it looks like the juice expired two weeks ago.  That's Rafael for you." There was a note of judgment in Brett's voice, as if Barba's expired groceries signaled some sort of moral failing.  Didn't the guy understand that Barba had way more important things to do than worry about grocery shopping?

"That's no problem.  By the way, I'm sorry for barging in so late at night, interrupting your sleep and all."  Sonny thought it prudent to leave unsaid what other things he had apparently interrupted.

Brett shrugged.  "I understand that it's part of the job.  Though I will admit that Rafael's crazy schedule can be a tad frustrating.  I'm in real estate law myself, where the hours are still long but much more predictable."

"Oh real estate law, that's interesting."  Actually, Sonny couldn't think of a more boring area of law, except for maybe trusts and estates.  

"It's not as sexy as criminal law, but some of these transactional deals can be quite fascinating.  I was just telling Rafael about this deal that we closed last week between a management firm and a property developer. . ."

As Brett droned on, Sonny couldn't help but wonder whether Barba found conversation with the man stimulating enough.  Surely Barba needed someone wittier, quirkier, with a bit more of an edge.

Before Sonny had to hear more about the deal to end all deals, Barba emerged from the bedroom.  "I'll probably be gone all night," he murmured to Brett.

"Well, I guess the wheels of justice don't sleep.  Do you want me to leave?"

"Stay.  There's no use in your sleep being ruined as well.  You can lock up with the spare key." Barba rummaged through an end table until he found the key, then pressed it into Brett's hand.  "Just drop it in my mailbox on your way out."

If Brett didn't have his own key, then the relationship couldn't be that serious.  It must fall somewhere on the spectrum between knowing grocery habits and having apartment access.

"Carisi."  Barba had turned to him now.  "Come on, if we're going to do this, let's go."

As soon as they left the apartment, Barba whipped out his phone and started making calls.  Coaxing, wheedling, and begging for a late-night warrant.

They were already ensconced in the squad car when Barba found success.  "Judge Barth wasn't happy to be woken up, but she'll do it. She said she'll have the warrant ready for us to pick up in half an hour."

They pulled up outside the judge's home with ten minutes remaining.  An awkward silence filled the car. Barba eventually broke it.

"I apologize again, Carisi, for not answering my phone and causing you an extra trip.  I was a bit . . ."

"Tied up?"  Sonny couldn't help himself.  

Barba flushed red.  "I guess I walked right into that one."

Sonny chuckled a little at his own joke.  But to be honest, the idea of Barba having sex was weirding him out a little.  It was _Barba_ , after all.

It was hard to imagine.  Barba on his belly, legs stretched wide.  Tethered to the bedframe by his ankles. There had been no cuffs around his wrists.  Maybe Barba liked retaining that piece of control. Or maybe Brett liked seeing him clutch at the sheets.

Actually, it was surprisingly easy to imagine.

"Carisi?  Earth to Carisi?"  Barba's voice broke him out of what was becoming an increasingly vivid visualization.

"Yeah Counselor?"

"Can I ask for your discretion?  About my relationship with a man.  My sexuality isn't a secret, but I tend not to bring it up at work.  There are already enough reasons that I stick out in the DA's office.  I don't need another one."

Barba looked, for the first time in Sonny's memory, unsure of himself. "It's not that I'm ashamed," he added in a low voice, as if rebutting some unspoken argument.

"Don't worry Counselor, I won't say nothing to anyone.  I get it, I'm the same way."

"Yes, a lot of people like to keep their work life and private life separate."

Oh.  Barba thought he meant it in the generic sense.   Should Sonny explain what he really meant? No. Barba probably didn't want to hear about Sonny's personal life.  Barba had only shared about his own because his hand had been forced.

Even so, they were having a sharing moment.  Why not take part in it?

"What I mean is, the fact that I'm bi isn't a secret, but I tend not to bring it up at work either."

"Oh."  Barba looked at him thoughtfully, as if he were really seeing Sonny for the first time.  "I had no idea. Thank you for telling me, Carisi. You have my discretion as well."

Sonny decided to test the boundaries of this personal exchange that Barba was willingly carrying on with him.  "So this thing with Brett, is it serious?"

"Carisi, are you forgetting that you promised not to talk about this?"

"I promised not to talk to anyone else about it.  I never promised not to ask _you_ overly personal questions."

"Spoken like a true lawyer."  The approval in Barba's voice warmed Sonny inside.

"It's not too serious," Barba offered up, as if in reward for Sonny's clever comeback.  "We haven't been seeing each other that long. And also, I don't know, he's just too _nice_."

"You mean too nice like lacking personality?"  

"Yes, exactly.  And besides that, he wants everything to always be on time.  And his food should always be organic. He chastised me the other day for eating chocolate-covered pretzels."

Barba turned to stare out the window.  "Anyway, this may all become a moot point.  I've been half expecting him to break up with me for a few weeks now.  I think he's gotten fed up with my focus on my work."

Brett's comment about Barba's schedule had hinted as much.  Sonny couldn't help feeling indignant on Barba's behalf. Brett should appreciate Barba's devotion to his job, not resent it.

"Maybe you shouldn't be with someone who feels threatened by your work."  As soon as the words came out, Sonny knew he'd overstepped.

Barba shifted to face him, eyes narrowing.  "So you're angling to be a relationship counselor now, Carisi, in addition to a legal counselor?" he said with a hint of warning.  "Don't think that just because we both like men I'm going to be pouring my soul out to you or soliciting relationship advice."

Sonny made the wise decision not to point out that Barba himself had brought up his relationship doubts.

"Understood, Counselor.  Though I have counseled my sisters through quite a bit of relationship drama."

Barba's face softened, then, and he fiddled with his phone, checking the time.  "We better go get that warrant before Judge Barth falls back asleep on us."

"Not to be giving unsolicited advice here, but you might want to do up your collar to hide those love marks.  That is, unless you want Judge Barth to see them."

Barba blushed again, his fingers rapidly doing up the top button of his shirt.  He then gave Carisi a questioning look.

"You're good to go now, Counselor."

"Thank you, Detective."

And so they exited the confessional of the squad car to go out into the chilly night and deal with a grumpy judge.

Four hours later, Sonny stood in the precinct washroom splashing water on his face.  The suspect had finally confessed after being confronted with evidence found during the search of his house.  

Sonny had handled the last part of the interrogation, and he had been the one to extract the confession.  Barba had clasped him on the shoulder afterwards, eyes tired yet exhilarated with the win.

"Congratulations Detective, well done."

"Thank you Counselor."

"I also wanted to say that you should feel good about how you applied that caselaw earlier.  There's no way you could be expected to have heard about the new case overturning it - not while you're running around solving crimes and going to school at the same time.  I think you just might make it as a lawyer after all, Carisi."

"I appreciate that, Counselor."  Sonny knew that this was as far as Barba would go in terms of an apology or praise, and so the words meant a lot.

"And just so you know, I think you're an effective counselor in the other sense of the word as well.  Thank you for your advice earlier. It gave me some things to think about." And then Barba was gone, out into the night, back home to Brett.  At least for now.

Brett.  God how Sonny disliked him, and he couldn't even figure out why.  He barely knew the man.

So much had happened with the house search and the interrogation that it was hard to believe only a few short hours had passed since Sonny had met Brett, who had been standing there in the doorway with his arm around Barba's waist.

How Sonny wished it could have been his arm around Barba's waist.  

The thought stunned him, but was followed by several others in quick succession.  He wished it could be him getting Barba chocolate-covered pretzels (with no judgment attached).  And he wished it could be him laying Barba out, naked, on his bed.

Sonny stared at himself in the mirror above the sink.  The realization hit him all at once: It wasn't so much that he wanted to be _like_ Barba as he wanted to be _with_ Barba.

In retrospect, it should have been obvious for awhile now.  The signs had all been there. He just hadn't put them together.

Shit.  Shit shit shit.  This was not an appropriate crush.  For so many reasons. Barba was his colleague.  Barba was friends with his boss. Barba was with someone else.

Yet mixed with the bubbling panic was also no small amount of giddiness at the realization of his feelings.  

There was also a small amount of hope.  Something had shifted in his relationship with Barba tonight.  Sonny sensed the potential, as yet undefined and remote, for the possibility of something more.  And that was the best realization of all.


End file.
